Monday, April 13, 2009

Here I Am Waiting....

All week in my devotions I have been reading about overcoming confusion. It has been one of those devotional topics that I read quickly because I think it has absolutely nothing to do with my present state of heart. At least, I didn't think it did until today.
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There are times when I feel like I could stand in the Wal-Mart candle aisle by the little relaxing music station and get involved in full blown worship when I Love You, Lord starts playing in the queue – right after Row, Row, Row Your Boat and Enya. There are times that I miss my exit because Dr. David Jeremiah is on the radio and I am transfixed by what the Lord is saying to me. Times when I bound out of bed early just to get an extra fifteen minutes of devotional and prayer time under my belt.
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Then there are the other times.
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I am in one of those other times right now. A place of daily devotions, scheduled prayer times, words of praise on my lips....and a dull, blah-ness in my heart. Honestly, I really do not like these times. Sometimes I feel as though the Lord is standing just outside the door, close enough to see me, but not close enough to have a conversation. I read devotionals, I pray, I read the Bible, I pray some more. Nothing. Just…silence.
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If the above does not shout CONFUSED PERSON! then I do not know what does. I have been confused. I have been going through the motions for a few weeks and missing one key ingredient – acknowledging my confusion, asking the Lord to have mercy on me, and waiting.
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Psalm 27:7 says:
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Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice! Have mercy upon me, and answer me. When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, O Lord, will I seek.” Do not hide Your face from me….
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This verse makes it clear that I am to cry out to the Lord. It is also made clear that I am to seek His face. He tells me to. His desire is for me to look for Him even when I am confused and feeling dull. In verse 14 He tells me the reward for seeking His face:
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Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart.
Wait, I say, on the Lord.
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My spiritual life is just that, a life. Sometimes it is filled with the tangible presence of the Lord and it feels fabulous! Other times it feels like something is missing, but it is certainly not His presence. I think maybe it is my willingness to still my heart and wait for Him to speak to me – not through the wonderful mediums of radio and devotional books and human emotion, but simply through His Word.
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He is teaching me to long for His presence and His voice when is feels like it is not there. He is teaching me to not take the emotion and feelings of the mountain top for granted. He is teaching me that He is there and I need to simply seek His face.
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And so I wait.
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Prayer:
Father, thank You for your constant presence in my life. Thank you for giving me times of quiet so I need to wait and listen for Your whisper. These times make me long even more for You. Help me not to waste this time You have given me.
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Challenge:
Read Psalm 27 this week. Remind yourself as you read that the Lord is there and He wants you to wait on Him. In your waiting, He will strengthen your heart.
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Jen Gorton 2009

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