Take Two: Gracious Lies

Our state's homeschool convention season is upon my family.  I pray you are blessed by the guest writers and frequent Take Two re-posts over the next month.  This post was originally shared in 2010.


Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1

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Speaking graciously is something that is very important to me. The importance I place on graciousness is most likely due to my own lack of it as a child and teen. If you were being a jerk I was happy to tell you in so many words. None of those words, of course, improved the situation. Hence, my journey to becoming a woman of gracious words.
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Being gracious is a good thing, but there are times it can become a tricky trap. Proverbs 26:24-26 says, “He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself; when he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.” In other words, there is such a thing as a gracious liar.
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I am sad to say that I have fallen into this trap. There have been times when someone exploded all over me in anger or hurt. Sometimes I just happened to be there at the ‘right time’, but in other cases I was the cause. Gracious words poured from my mouth making me sound like a second cousin to Gabriel, all while my heart was full of anything but love towards the exploding person. Translation: My words were gracious. My heart was not.
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When a person detonates, should I launch my own attack, telling the truth and leaving no question of my feelings? No! First, I should guard my mouth, carefully weighing the words I am about to speak. (Proverbs 21:23) The next step is to quickly pray, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23,24) The final step is speaking the truth in love to promote unity in the Body (Ephesians 4).
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To quote the housekeeper from Meet Me in St. Louis, “A lie is a lie. Dressin’ it in white won’t help it.” Being gracious without being truthful might look good on the outside, but on the inside it is ugly. The Lord desires truth to be in me (Psalm 51:6), in turn spilling out of me to others. Gracious words without loving truth backing them up are simply gracious lies.
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Prayer:
Father, help me to be a gracious woman inside and out. Help me to be truthful in love, speaking life into those I encounter. Amen
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Challenge:
Examine your heart. Are you a gracious liar? Do you hold back truth because you are afraid of the possible reaction? Maybe you have the opposite problem of speaking the truth in all circumstances with the effect of a piercing sword. Meditate on these verses and ask the Lord to make you a gracious woman of truth. Proverbs 11:16, Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 13:3, Proverbs 15:4, Proverbs 18:24, Proverbs 19:22, Ephesians 4, 1 Corinthians 13.

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Jen G. 2010

Springs of Life

by Sherry S. 2011
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This week I have been preparing for a retreat where one of the topics I am to address is the Exposed Heart.  I am continuously amazed at how full the Word is of references to the heart. Once you start looking at the Scriptures it is incredible the things you notice about your own heart.

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Proverbs 4:23 says: "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life."

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Ouch. That one hits home doesn't it? How often do we neglect our heart attitudes? We go about our days as if all is well, when in fact we have neglected to keep our hearts in step with the Spirit of God.  Before we know it we look back on a trail of hurt feelings and wounded friends and family. 
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Luke 6:45 says: "The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."

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I shudder to think of the things I have said to my precious husband or daughter in a moment of frustration. Can you identify? As I have grown in my faith, I have learned that I don't even know my own heart, but there is One who searches my heart and knows and loves me enough to open my ears to see and even hear the condition of my heart.

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Is it any wonder why the Psalmist prayed in Psalm 139:23 -24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way,"?

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I praise the Lord that He began a good work in me and will complete it. I thank Him that He is changing me daily to be like Jesus. And I know that He will do the same thing for you. Are you willing? Are you ready to let issues of life flow from your heart, through your lips, and into the lives of others?
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Prayer:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.  Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,

And uphold me by Your generous Spirit." Amen
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Challenge:

This week LISTEN to what is coming out of your mouth, and then you will KNOW what is really in your heart. When you find out then run to your Father and allow Him to change your heart and, in turn, your speech.

Sherry S. 2011



Gracious Lies

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1

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Speaking graciously is something that is very important to me. The importance I place on graciousness is most likely due to my own lack of it as a child and teen. If you were being a jerk I was happy to tell you in so many words. None of those words, of course, improved the situation. Hence, my journey to becoming a woman of gracious words.
*
Being gracious is a good thing, but there are times it can become a tricky trap. Proverbs 26:24-26 says, “He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself; when he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.” In other words, there is such a thing as a gracious liar.
*
I am sad to say that I have fallen into this trap. There have been times when someone exploded all over me in anger or hurt. Sometimes I just happened to be there at the ‘right time’, but in other cases I was the cause. Gracious words poured from my mouth making me sound like a second cousin to Gabriel, all while my heart was full of anything but love towards the exploding person. Translation: My words were gracious. My heart was not.
*
When a person detonates, should I launch my own attack, telling the truth and leaving no question of my feelings? No! First, I should guard my mouth, carefully weighing the words I am about to speak. (Proverbs 21:23) The next step is to quickly pray, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23,24) The final step is speaking the truth in love to promote unity in the Body (Ephesians 4).
*
To quote the housekeeper from Meet Me in St. Louis, “A lie is a lie. Dressin’ it in white won’t help it.” Being gracious without being truthful might look good on the outside, but on the inside it is ugly. The Lord desires truth to be in me (Psalm 51:6), in turn spilling out of me to others. Gracious words without loving truth backing them up are simply gracious lies.
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Prayer:
Father, help me to be a gracious woman inside and out. Help me to be truthful in love, speaking life into those I encounter. Amen
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Challenge:
Examine your heart. Are you a gracious liar? Do you hold back truth because you are afraid of the possible reaction? Maybe you have the opposite problem of speaking the truth in all circumstances with the effect of a piercing sword. Meditate on these verses and ask the Lord to make you a gracious woman of truth. Proverbs 11:16, Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 13:3, Proverbs 15:4, Proverbs 18:24, Proverbs 19:22, Ephesians 4, 1 Corinthians 13.

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Jen 2010

More Than Words

Our words are powerful. With our words we speak blessing or cursing, life or death, joy or hurt. James talked about the tongue in depth in his letter to the Christian Jews.
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James 3:9-12 says, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

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Earlier in verse 1 James says, “We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.” This passage makes it very clear that we ALL stumble in this area. No one is immune from using their mouth to hurt another, intentional or not. Someone who prides themselves on being the sole of gracious words is certain to cause great offence at some point. And yes, I write that from personal experience. My tongue has been the gateway to many an uncomfortable moment, day, and year.

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Along with hurtful words and anger, our tongues can lead us and others into bitterness and unforgiveness, which in turn leads to division in the body of Christ. Last year, I was offended and refused to forgive another. That unforgiveness led to anger and ignoring James’s admonition to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (1:19) As a blogger, I turned to the written word to ‘vent’ my feelings.

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My slope was slippery and as I continued to give a full rein to my tongue, the hurtful words grew and my heart condition deteriorated. My own words were a snare, not only for myself, but for another. My choice to 1.) walk in unforgiveness, 2.) write unkindly, and 3.) bitterly jest about the situation brought about so much more than I ever bargained for. Adding to the whole sorry mess - I caused another child of God to stumble. Praise God that His mercy triumphs over justice (v 12) and a millstone was not tied about my neck!
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Had I simply taken the Lord at His Word and tamed my tongue, so much pain and division would have been avoided. My words brought hurt and division, caused uncomfortable moments for others, and worst of all – caused a dullness in my relationship with the Lord.

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Taming your tongue is so much more than just speaking kindly or not speaking at all. It is choosing to address issues in a godly way as they arise, seeking and extending forgiveness, stopping your mouth from sharing what does not need to be shared (gossip), cutting off course jesting that can hurt, and speaking the truth in love.

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Seek God’s wisdom with your tongue!

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“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:17-18
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Prayer:
Father, thank You that my sinful tongue does not define me – Christ’s sacrifice defines me! Thank You for giving me Your Word that speaks wisdom and correction in the area of my words. Help me to use my words, written or spoken, to bring healing and life. Amen
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Challenge:
Keep account of your words this week. Watch for course jesting, sharing unnecessary information, snippiness, pridefulness, slyness, etc. One person might deal with bitter words, while another deals with flattering words which Proverbs warns about. Read the book of James and allow the Holy Spirit to rightly divide the Word of Truth in your heart today.
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Jen 2010

Is Your Husband on the Roof?

I am so excited to introduce a new contributor to Fresh Starts. Alexis is a blogger writes the wonderful, heart touching, soul convicting Faithful Rubies Daily Devotionals. You can be blessed daily by visiting http://faithfulrubies.blogspot.com and signing up to receive these gems in your inbox.

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Better to live on a corner of a roof
than share a house with a
quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 25:25

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Imagine for a minute going on a month long vacation which turns into a life changing move. Not only do you not return to your hometown to say good-bye to friends and family but you also do not return to pack up your house. Instead your husband makes the 2000 mile return trip home to pack up everything and close out your life in your hometown. For over 2 months you and your three kids live with family, a month of which is without your spouse. Imagine the stress, the exhaustion, and the emotional toll that scenario might take on you.
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I do not have to imagine, I am living this reality. What started as a month long vacation to find work for my husband has turned into a life-long move from my hometown of over 30 years. This move had been anticipated but not quite so quickly. Soon after my husband returned home my stress level sky rocketed. I was so stressed that I was bickering with my husband over the phone almost daily. We do not argue very often so I knew something was astray within myself. As I searched for help and guidance in scripture I came across Proverbs 25:25.
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This proverb rings true for me on so many levels. Ponder the depth of this verse for a moment. Think of the impact and relevance it has in your own life and marriage. A quarrelsome wife has not only the power and ability to make her husband leave his home but he might think it better to live on the roof than to live with her. Living in the cold and exposing himself to the elements on top of a hard roof top is better than being in the same room as his cranky wife. Living on a roof top is figurative of course, but you get the point.
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The husband and father is the backbone to every family; the leader, the spiritual guide. His place is not on the roof forced there by an angry wife. Has this ever been you? Be honest with yourself. I know I am guilty! Personally it breaks my heart and brings me to my knees in prayer when I realize I am a thorn in my husband's side. Our husbands do so much for us everyday, we should shower them with thanks and appreciation.
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From 2000 miles away I was forcing my husband to sleep on the roof. Shame on me! Thankfully, I have been able to change my ways and we are no longer arguing. Now my kids and I are eagerly awaiting his safe arrival in our new hometown in a few weeks.
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Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me of my sins and shortsightedness. O Lord, it is not my desire to be argumentative. I do not enjoy quarreling with my husband. O Father, please give me the strength and wisdom to change my heart, my actions, and my mind. Father I want to align my thoughts and actions according to Your will. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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Challenge:
What is something you can do today to improve your attitude toward your husband? How can you show him that you appreciate his hard work? Don't just think it, do it!

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Alexis 2010

The Power of the Tongue

I have to confess that I have a tongue problem. Or should I say a heart problem? Jesus said it this way in Matthew 12:34: "For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." Ouch! Jesus also said that my words reveal my heart. That means I don't have any excuses - no PMS, too much pressure, a crabby husband or a misbehaved child.

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There is one who speaks rashly like the thrust of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

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As a young mother I learned this lesson the hard way. I cannot count the times that out of frustration I would speak rashly to my daughter or my husband. One day the Lord showed me very clearly what I was doing and I was horrified. After I repented to God and then my family, I began to work on changing. I memorized scripture and trained myself to speak words that would heal instead of wound. When I slipped up I would immediately ask for forgiveness from my family and over time I began to see real, lasting change.

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Proverbs 18:21 says Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. I guess the question we need to ask is what kind of fruit do we want to eat? Kind and gentle words produce the fruit of a peaceful home and relationships full of joy and trust. Harsh, critical words produced angry children and harassed, resentful husbands. I think all of us would say that we want the peaceful, joyful fruit. That, however, is not always an easy thing. Face it, sometimes we love ourselves more than others. The momentary pleasure that comes from "dumping" and "being honest" many times trumps the hard work of taming our tongues.

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"No man can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison." James 3:8

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Gee, that doesn't sound very hopeful. But, with God all things are possible! If we admit that we have a problem in this or any other area, there is hope. We need to start by taking seriously the power of our words. We need to be willing to die to our momentary feelings and remember that we are not required to give in to the temptation before us. We have a choice!

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What will you choose this week when opportunities arise that lend themselves to angry outbursts or sharp, critical words? I encourage you to choose life with the power of your tongue.

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Prayer:

Father, I admit I have a heart problem which leads to a tongue problem. I want my words to bring life and healing to those I come in contact with. Change me, Lord, as only You can do. Help me to be humble enough to continue to come to You for help when I mess up. Amen

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Challenge:

Ask God to open your ears to hear what you are saying and then make a plan to change. Remember it is a heart change you are after. Jesus told us that what is in our hearts will come out of our mouths. If anger and criticism are coming from your mouth, then push that out by pouring in scripture. When you slip up, ask forgiveness of those you are talking to and start over. You will not lose respect from them. Just the opposite is true. They will respect you more because they will see you are determined to be like Jesus.

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Sherry 2010