Take Two: Gracious Lies

Our state's homeschool convention season is upon my family.  I pray you are blessed by the guest writers and frequent Take Two re-posts over the next month.  This post was originally shared in 2010.


Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1

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Speaking graciously is something that is very important to me. The importance I place on graciousness is most likely due to my own lack of it as a child and teen. If you were being a jerk I was happy to tell you in so many words. None of those words, of course, improved the situation. Hence, my journey to becoming a woman of gracious words.
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Being gracious is a good thing, but there are times it can become a tricky trap. Proverbs 26:24-26 says, “He who hates, disguises it with his lips, and lays up deceit within himself; when he speaks kindly, do not believe him, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness will be revealed before the assembly.” In other words, there is such a thing as a gracious liar.
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I am sad to say that I have fallen into this trap. There have been times when someone exploded all over me in anger or hurt. Sometimes I just happened to be there at the ‘right time’, but in other cases I was the cause. Gracious words poured from my mouth making me sound like a second cousin to Gabriel, all while my heart was full of anything but love towards the exploding person. Translation: My words were gracious. My heart was not.
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When a person detonates, should I launch my own attack, telling the truth and leaving no question of my feelings? No! First, I should guard my mouth, carefully weighing the words I am about to speak. (Proverbs 21:23) The next step is to quickly pray, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23,24) The final step is speaking the truth in love to promote unity in the Body (Ephesians 4).
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To quote the housekeeper from Meet Me in St. Louis, “A lie is a lie. Dressin’ it in white won’t help it.” Being gracious without being truthful might look good on the outside, but on the inside it is ugly. The Lord desires truth to be in me (Psalm 51:6), in turn spilling out of me to others. Gracious words without loving truth backing them up are simply gracious lies.
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Prayer:
Father, help me to be a gracious woman inside and out. Help me to be truthful in love, speaking life into those I encounter. Amen
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Challenge:
Examine your heart. Are you a gracious liar? Do you hold back truth because you are afraid of the possible reaction? Maybe you have the opposite problem of speaking the truth in all circumstances with the effect of a piercing sword. Meditate on these verses and ask the Lord to make you a gracious woman of truth. Proverbs 11:16, Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 13:3, Proverbs 15:4, Proverbs 18:24, Proverbs 19:22, Ephesians 4, 1 Corinthians 13.

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Jen G. 2010

Necessary Doors

Recently, my husband and I encountered a tough situation that hurt our hearts and confused our minds.  In the midst of questioning why we were facing such a mountain, this comment was made:

“Why does it sometimes seem as if God is playing tricks on His children?”

You know the feeling – you are working hard at being an awesome spouse, a perfect parent, a faithful friend, and a hardworking servant in ministry.  Then BAM!  Something totally unexpected slams into your life, creating confusion and doubt and fear.  Sometimes anger rushes in, and you wonder why someone who has tried so hard to live for the Lord would be ‘repaid’ in such a way.  Why would a good and loving God choose to allow such heartache in a believer’s life?  The temptation to withdraw your faith in the Lord is strong; after all, He did not follow through with your plans.

Ahhhh….but it is not our faith, or lack thereof, that makes God faithful and good.  The Lord’s faithfulness never changes; His goodness never lessens.  He is GOD.  Our feelings do not change who He is.

For what if some did not believe? Will their unbelief make the faithfulness of God without effect?  Certainly not! Indeed, let God be true but every man a liar.  Romans 3:3, 4

The hard things we go through serve as necessary doors.  It is so very easy to glorify the Lord when our bellies are full and our babies are healthy; it is another thing altogether when our children abandon Truth and our husbands are suffering from a horrible disease.  To honor the Lord fully and to glorify Him above all else, we must walk through that door of pain, hardship, or hurt.  Across the threshold is a greater knowledge of the faithfulness of the Lord as we look back and see how He guided us through those trials and tribulations.

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy…. Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator. 1 Peter 4:12 & 13, 19

Job, the godliest man of his time, went through hell on earth.  If anyone had a reason to jump the faith ship, it was he.  And yet this man said: “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10b) and “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” (Job 13:15)  Read the book of Job to see how his story ends.

Are you willing to walk through the necessary doors to increase your faith and bring glory to the One who deserves all praise and honor?  The Lord promises to never leave you or forsake you.  As you turn the knob, you can trust that He is there with you.

Prayer

Father, thank You for Your goodness and faithfulness.  You are righteous and holy and just, never failing and always kind.  You allow hard things in our lives to bring us closer to You, the only One with the answers.  Thank You for giving us Truth in Your Word.  Amen.

Challenge

Allow the Lord to show you His faithfulness. Ask Him to open your eyes to His presence in the midst of the hard things.  During this recent trial, my husband and I asked friends to pray for us as they felt the Holy Spirit leading. We gave them zero details, not even a hint of what we were battling.  As they laid their hands on us, guess what were the very first words spoken? “God does not play tricks on His kids!” (See the opening of this devotional if you do not see the significance of these words!) God cared enough to prompt our intercessors to use the very words we spoke privately to one another.

While walking through trials, big or small, keep the Word front and center in your life.  It is only the Truth that will keep you from falling into unbelief and discouragement.

Jen G 2012

A Matter of Honor

Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.  Proverbs 17:6

My husband and I are blessed to be in a church where my father is pastor.  For our entire marriage we have enjoyed the benefits of a personal 24 hour day ‘Dial a Preacher’ line, immense wisdom, and a walking, talking concordance with cell phone reach-ability all over the world.  We greatly respect Dad!  Recently, however, we were convicted of a subtle sin in our lives: a lack of showing honor to my father.  If you had ever asked me if I thought this was something we were guilty of I would have laughed in your face.  Us? Failing to show honor and respect for the family patriarch?  Ha!  Sadly, it was true. 

We had begun to notice little things that some of our children were saying and doing, all of which smacked of a lack of honor and respect for men.  Oh, it was nothing blatant or outright awful, but we could sense it under the surface.  Adrian and I began to pray, asking the Lord to show us what was causing this.  Turns out, our own actions were teaching our children some very bad habits. I will address my own behavior to give you an idea of how a lack of honoring is taught. (Personally, I think the bulk of the blame lies with me, but my godly husband understands his role and responsibility as head of our home and is not one to throw me under a bus.)

My own delight in giving my two cents was telling my children that Dad and Grandpa really could not make good decisions without my counsel.  Joking about things such as what Daddy was wearing or what Grandpa was eating translated that these grown, mature men needed someone to help them with the very basic choices of each day because they were just too simple-minded to figure it out on their own.  Second guessing decisions that these men had prayed about was undermining their place as leaders in our family.  All of this was rubbing against everything else my husband and I were trying to teach our children about esteeming men of God.

He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. Proverbs 19:26

We are so thankful that the Lord made us aware of this dangerous and erosive behavior in our lives.  We repented to my father and are making changes in how we speak to him, especially in front of the children. 

And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. Be at peace among yourselves. 1 Thessalonians 5:12, 13

The scariest thing about all of this: we could not see our sin.  It was so subtle that even Dad was a little confused when we asked his forgiveness!  Praise God that our children are like little barometers.  They will act out what they are taught, even the silent lessons we do not realize we are teaching. 

Prayer:

Father, thank You for your Holy Spirit who came to be a helper, showing us the areas of our lives that are displeasing to You.  Please open our eyes to the things that bring dishonor to Your name and to those who are older or in a place of authority in our lives.  Amen

Challenge:

If you see behaviors in your children that are contrary to what you are verbally teaching them, examine your own life for silent lessons you might be presenting: lack of respect for your husband by leaving him out of decisions involving schooling or church attendance; unkindness through sarcastic words disguised as a joke; lack of self control dressed up as a free spirit; a controlling spirit cloaked in a hyper-scheduled day.

If you see this sin in your own life, humble yourself, go to the person and repent.  Then change your actions and heart attitude and begin to repair that which has been torn down!

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1

Jen G 2012