A Matter of Honor

Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.  Proverbs 17:6

My husband and I are blessed to be in a church where my father is pastor.  For our entire marriage we have enjoyed the benefits of a personal 24 hour day ‘Dial a Preacher’ line, immense wisdom, and a walking, talking concordance with cell phone reach-ability all over the world.  We greatly respect Dad!  Recently, however, we were convicted of a subtle sin in our lives: a lack of showing honor to my father.  If you had ever asked me if I thought this was something we were guilty of I would have laughed in your face.  Us? Failing to show honor and respect for the family patriarch?  Ha!  Sadly, it was true. 

We had begun to notice little things that some of our children were saying and doing, all of which smacked of a lack of honor and respect for men.  Oh, it was nothing blatant or outright awful, but we could sense it under the surface.  Adrian and I began to pray, asking the Lord to show us what was causing this.  Turns out, our own actions were teaching our children some very bad habits. I will address my own behavior to give you an idea of how a lack of honoring is taught. (Personally, I think the bulk of the blame lies with me, but my godly husband understands his role and responsibility as head of our home and is not one to throw me under a bus.)

My own delight in giving my two cents was telling my children that Dad and Grandpa really could not make good decisions without my counsel.  Joking about things such as what Daddy was wearing or what Grandpa was eating translated that these grown, mature men needed someone to help them with the very basic choices of each day because they were just too simple-minded to figure it out on their own.  Second guessing decisions that these men had prayed about was undermining their place as leaders in our family.  All of this was rubbing against everything else my husband and I were trying to teach our children about esteeming men of God.

He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. Proverbs 19:26

We are so thankful that the Lord made us aware of this dangerous and erosive behavior in our lives.  We repented to my father and are making changes in how we speak to him, especially in front of the children. 

And we urge you, brethren, to recognize those who labor among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake. Be at peace among yourselves. 1 Thessalonians 5:12, 13

The scariest thing about all of this: we could not see our sin.  It was so subtle that even Dad was a little confused when we asked his forgiveness!  Praise God that our children are like little barometers.  They will act out what they are taught, even the silent lessons we do not realize we are teaching. 

Prayer:

Father, thank You for your Holy Spirit who came to be a helper, showing us the areas of our lives that are displeasing to You.  Please open our eyes to the things that bring dishonor to Your name and to those who are older or in a place of authority in our lives.  Amen

Challenge:

If you see behaviors in your children that are contrary to what you are verbally teaching them, examine your own life for silent lessons you might be presenting: lack of respect for your husband by leaving him out of decisions involving schooling or church attendance; unkindness through sarcastic words disguised as a joke; lack of self control dressed up as a free spirit; a controlling spirit cloaked in a hyper-scheduled day.

If you see this sin in your own life, humble yourself, go to the person and repent.  Then change your actions and heart attitude and begin to repair that which has been torn down!

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Proverbs 14:1

Jen G 2012

Living in a Glass House

I am a stay at home wife and homeschooling mother of five children. The only time I am not being observed or possibly eavesdropped on is when I am sleeping at night or in the shower. And even then I wonder… The option of dealing with my sin issues and bad habits in private is pretty much nonexistent. Whatever I am struggling with, there are five people who are tuned in for the show; no matter how hard I try to hide it and deal with it alone it never seems to work. My children can read me like a book and that is downright frustrating! Sometimes a gal just wants to be snarky without being called on the carpet by a six year old.

Instead of being frustrated, I must choose to be thankful for this glass house in which I live. So many people lack accountability and struggle in their sin without anyone intervening or pointing them in the right direction. How blessed I am to have loved ones daily turning me towards holiness. Of course, sometimes one of my children becomes wise in their own eyes and corrects me in arrogance. I then have the opportunity to teach them the proper way to confront another believer and set them on the path to godliness. It’s a win/win situation!

My transparency with my children teaches them four things: avoiding sin, choosing sin, repentance and forgiveness. At times I do a great job of avoiding sin, but there are many, many times when I choose to do the wrong thing and have to follow up with repentance and seeking forgiveness. No matter what, my children are learning valuable lessons: the joy of victory over sin or the hurt that sin brings and the freedom that repentance and forgiveness brings.

I will no longer look at my glass house as a frustration. Instead I will see it as a blessing that allows me to teach my children the ways of God.

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Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Prayer:
Father, thank You for my glass house. Thank You for daily opportunities to live for You in front of my children. Please help me to choose the holy path and avoid the pitfalls of sin. Let my children always feel comfortable to come to me in love when they see that I am struggling. Help me to receive their words and turn the situation into a life lesson that points them and me to You. Amen.

Challenge:
Do you feel as if you are always ‘on’, being watched and evaluated by your children or husband? Instead of feeling like that is unfair, embrace the opportunity to be more watchful of your sin areas. Become more aware of your example as a believer living with young believers or non-believers. Be thankful for the light shining in the dark corners of your life.

Jen 2010

More Than Words

Our words are powerful. With our words we speak blessing or cursing, life or death, joy or hurt. James talked about the tongue in depth in his letter to the Christian Jews.
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James 3:9-12 says, “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.”

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Earlier in verse 1 James says, “We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.” This passage makes it very clear that we ALL stumble in this area. No one is immune from using their mouth to hurt another, intentional or not. Someone who prides themselves on being the sole of gracious words is certain to cause great offence at some point. And yes, I write that from personal experience. My tongue has been the gateway to many an uncomfortable moment, day, and year.

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Along with hurtful words and anger, our tongues can lead us and others into bitterness and unforgiveness, which in turn leads to division in the body of Christ. Last year, I was offended and refused to forgive another. That unforgiveness led to anger and ignoring James’s admonition to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (1:19) As a blogger, I turned to the written word to ‘vent’ my feelings.

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My slope was slippery and as I continued to give a full rein to my tongue, the hurtful words grew and my heart condition deteriorated. My own words were a snare, not only for myself, but for another. My choice to 1.) walk in unforgiveness, 2.) write unkindly, and 3.) bitterly jest about the situation brought about so much more than I ever bargained for. Adding to the whole sorry mess - I caused another child of God to stumble. Praise God that His mercy triumphs over justice (v 12) and a millstone was not tied about my neck!
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Had I simply taken the Lord at His Word and tamed my tongue, so much pain and division would have been avoided. My words brought hurt and division, caused uncomfortable moments for others, and worst of all – caused a dullness in my relationship with the Lord.

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Taming your tongue is so much more than just speaking kindly or not speaking at all. It is choosing to address issues in a godly way as they arise, seeking and extending forgiveness, stopping your mouth from sharing what does not need to be shared (gossip), cutting off course jesting that can hurt, and speaking the truth in love.

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Seek God’s wisdom with your tongue!

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“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:17-18
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Prayer:
Father, thank You that my sinful tongue does not define me – Christ’s sacrifice defines me! Thank You for giving me Your Word that speaks wisdom and correction in the area of my words. Help me to use my words, written or spoken, to bring healing and life. Amen
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Challenge:
Keep account of your words this week. Watch for course jesting, sharing unnecessary information, snippiness, pridefulness, slyness, etc. One person might deal with bitter words, while another deals with flattering words which Proverbs warns about. Read the book of James and allow the Holy Spirit to rightly divide the Word of Truth in your heart today.
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Jen 2010

Hand Over the Horn

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:6-8
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My husband and I have a friend who is, in his words, an instrument repairman. In actuality he is a very well known and respected brass instrument designer and restoration specialist. Let’s just say that some of the horns Chuck works on cost more than both of our vehicles. Combined. While visiting with him this week, he was telling me about some of the professional musicians who bring their horns to him for repair. He reaches for the horn, they pull it back. He reaches again, and they pull it back. They want to tell him what is wrong with the horn, hoping he can make suggestions and they will not have to actually surrender their instrument. Finally, he tells them to, “Hand over the horn.” He reminds them that he will forget more about that horn than they will ever even know about it and the only way for it to be repaired is for them to give it to him. After they relinquish their instrument he then deals with their pacing and giving advice while they look over his shoulder as he works.
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Sometimes, I am like those worried instrumentalists. I have a problem that I am holding close and watching over. I want everything fixed, and yet I am afraid to hand it to the One who can restore and make all things new. When I do finally ‘let go and let God’ I insist on putting in my two cents on how He should handle things.

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This refusal to give my problem to the Lord is really a lack of trust. Insisting on helping Him when I do finally ‘kinda’ hand it over shows an abundance of pride and impatience; pride in my own abilities and solutions and impatience that things are not working fast enough to suit me.

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The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Ecclesiastes 7:8

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I would do well to take Chuck the brass man’s advice to his clients: Hand over the horn, sit down in that chair and keep quiet. When I do those things I can then watch the Master Craftsman and Restorer do His perfect work. And what a beautiful thing it is to behold!

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The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. Psalm 28:7

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Prayer:
Father God, Creator of all and Fixer of broken things, thank You for showing abundant patience with me. Please help me to hand over my horns to You. Amen.

Challenge:
What are you holding onto? Is it a child in rebellion, a devastating illness, an unpaid bill, a broken down car, a fractured friendship? Whatever it is, I encourage you to lay it down firmly at the feet of the Lord. Then sit down and let Him work; only saying and doing what He instructs you to do.
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Jen 2010

Disciplining With A Humble Hand

Fresh Starts is pleased to bring a devotional from a new contributor. Zinnada shares what the Lord is doing in her life at her lovely blog, Three Princesses and a Prince.

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Yesterday was a hard day. The morning began without any electricity due to a storm that past through our area during the night. We were left without any electricity until later that morning. So, I must admit, I was a bit discouraged about that. Not having electricity revealed how much I rely on electricity to get me through the day rather than trusting in the Lord.
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When the electricity finally came on, I was able to turn on the computer. Since we’re taking a school break, I allow the kids to watch their DVD’s and their cartoons. We don’t have cable, but they are still able to view the Disney & Nick, Jr. cartoons through the internet. So, I was trying to turn on one of their favorite Disney cartoons and wanted them to sit quietly as I proceeded to turn it on. Well, as you may know, that was an unrealistic request.
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Just as they were sitting there, one of my dear daughters decided to SLUG her sister! “What?” were my thoughts. When I asked her why, she said that she was playing with her. My husband and I have been telling them NOT to play fight. So, since I was already frustrated with the computer not allowing me to pull up a Disney cartoon, having to deal with that act wasn’t any better.
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So, I asked the dear child to give me her hand. Well, this particular one DOESN’T make her “loving” easy for us. So, having to deal with the matter became harder than it needed to be. After it was over, I felt so tired and discouraged. It affected me throughout the rest of the day. I kept thinking and wondering, “Why does it have to be so HARD?” I kept bringing that before the Lord and had planned to talk about it with my hubby later that night.
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Well, we both had a busy night and weren’t able to talk until the following morning. He suggested that for now since I’m pregnant, it’s best to let him deal with the “loving” when he gets home. I confess, a sense of PRIDE came over me. It’s a little hard to think that I have to wait for a particular child to be “loved” on. But, it’s just for this time.
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During my time in the word, I felt the Spirit lead me to Proverb 13:24. That passage of scripture challenged me to really think of my MOTIVES for “loving”. Am I doing it because MY “law” has been broken? Am I doing it because of my pride? Basically, I need to stop and question…WHY?
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I have to admit, stopping to examine my motives is VERY humbling. Ephesians 6:4 really caused me to REALLY desire to be careful with what and how I’m “loving” the kids. I’ve always looked at that verse being basically for the fathers and it does, but it’s also used for parents in general, which can include Mommy too.
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As I was reading my notes (I use the John MacArthur’s Study Bible), I was humbled by what I read. I began to question if whenever I’m “loving” the kids, is my desire and purpose is to draw them to the Father or to simply obey ME and to NEVER disobey ME again.
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Basically am I setting myself up as the “god” to obey or am I ushering them towards obedience to the God of the bible? I was reminded that based on John 1:13, it’s the Lord who gives the right to become children of God, not Mommy’s “loving”.
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So, what am I saying? I’m not in ANY way saying not to “love” on our kids. Scripture CLEARLY exhorts us to do that. What I am saying is that whenever your child needs some “loving”. Hold that “loving tool” in your hand and recognize your need for His help to be self-controlled and gospel centered at that time and then SWIFTLY be ready for reconciliation. Knowing that your child is not going to change his or her behavior based on your actions, but only by the grace of God through His choosing to save their souls. Let us “love” on our children with a humble hand praying that through our obedience in dealing with the situation that God would one day choose our child to be in the kingdom.
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Prayer:
Dear Lord, thank You for showing me my sin of pride whenever I’m “loving” our children. Please continue to humble me at that very moment in order for that child to see his or her sin and need to trust in You for salvation one day. In Jesus name, Amen.

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Challenge:

When you are faced with disciplining your child this week be sure to stop and consider what was shared this week. Ask yourself the question, "Am I upset because my child caused me to be inconvenienced or am I upset because my child's heart is not in line with the Lord?" Then be sure to stop and pray, relying 100% on the Lord's grace and wisdom to get you through the time of "loving".

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Zinnada Hodges 2009
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Other references:
Titus 3:5; Hebrews 12:5-11; John 1:13; Ephesians 6:4