Are You a Lemon?

We had a car once that needed to have constant repair service. If it was not one thing, it was another. Parts were always breaking and needing to be replaced or treated in some way. It was expensive; it was high maintenance. It was expensive and frustrating to own such a car! Most of us call those kinds of cars lemons.

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I have found that people are very similar in a way. So the question is: are YOU a high or low maintenance kind of person? That is a pretty scary question isn’t it? None of us want to admit that we might be a high maintenance person. How do we know what a high maintenance person looks like? Here are some clues:

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• they are focused on their “feelings or emotions” (what others say to them, how they say it to them)
• they need constant verbal praise to carry on whatever task they are doing
• they are often “wounded” by others
• offended easily
• always need to “talk” about something that is bothering them
• pout to get attention and are angry if they do not get the attention

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In other words, high maintenance people are roller coaster personalities and emotionally exhausting to relate with because they require so much attention. I think you get the picture.

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Does this describe you? If it does, don’t despair! The word of God gives us some very practical solutions to help us change. In Colossians 3: 1–5 we are told to set our minds on things above and not on the things on the earth. We are told to consider the members of our earthly bodies as dead. Skip down to verses 8–17 and we see what we are to put off and what to put on. I think the key here is to practice the "put ons" starting in verse 12. These "put ons" are a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other…..just as the Lord forgave you. Verse 14 tells us to put on love.

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If we would apply these few verses our lives would begin to be transformed. Not only do they help those us who may be high maintenance ourselves to overcome, but it will help those of us who have to deal with high maintenance people treat them with love and kindness. God is amazing isn’t He?
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Prayer: Lord, the last thing I want is for others to feel like I am a high maintenance person. Please help me to overcome and to grow up into Christ in all things. Help me as I practice the put offs and put ons listed in Colossians. 3. Teach me to set my mind on things above and to make Jesus Christ Lord of my life in all ways. Thank you.

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Challenge: Begin to take notice of how you relate to others and ask the Lord to open your eyes to your status of maintenance requirements.
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Sherry 2010

Is Your Husband on the Roof?

I am so excited to introduce a new contributor to Fresh Starts. Alexis is a blogger writes the wonderful, heart touching, soul convicting Faithful Rubies Daily Devotionals. You can be blessed daily by visiting http://faithfulrubies.blogspot.com and signing up to receive these gems in your inbox.

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Better to live on a corner of a roof
than share a house with a
quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 25:25

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Imagine for a minute going on a month long vacation which turns into a life changing move. Not only do you not return to your hometown to say good-bye to friends and family but you also do not return to pack up your house. Instead your husband makes the 2000 mile return trip home to pack up everything and close out your life in your hometown. For over 2 months you and your three kids live with family, a month of which is without your spouse. Imagine the stress, the exhaustion, and the emotional toll that scenario might take on you.
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I do not have to imagine, I am living this reality. What started as a month long vacation to find work for my husband has turned into a life-long move from my hometown of over 30 years. This move had been anticipated but not quite so quickly. Soon after my husband returned home my stress level sky rocketed. I was so stressed that I was bickering with my husband over the phone almost daily. We do not argue very often so I knew something was astray within myself. As I searched for help and guidance in scripture I came across Proverbs 25:25.
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This proverb rings true for me on so many levels. Ponder the depth of this verse for a moment. Think of the impact and relevance it has in your own life and marriage. A quarrelsome wife has not only the power and ability to make her husband leave his home but he might think it better to live on the roof than to live with her. Living in the cold and exposing himself to the elements on top of a hard roof top is better than being in the same room as his cranky wife. Living on a roof top is figurative of course, but you get the point.
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The husband and father is the backbone to every family; the leader, the spiritual guide. His place is not on the roof forced there by an angry wife. Has this ever been you? Be honest with yourself. I know I am guilty! Personally it breaks my heart and brings me to my knees in prayer when I realize I am a thorn in my husband's side. Our husbands do so much for us everyday, we should shower them with thanks and appreciation.
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From 2000 miles away I was forcing my husband to sleep on the roof. Shame on me! Thankfully, I have been able to change my ways and we are no longer arguing. Now my kids and I are eagerly awaiting his safe arrival in our new hometown in a few weeks.
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Prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me of my sins and shortsightedness. O Lord, it is not my desire to be argumentative. I do not enjoy quarreling with my husband. O Father, please give me the strength and wisdom to change my heart, my actions, and my mind. Father I want to align my thoughts and actions according to Your will. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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Challenge:
What is something you can do today to improve your attitude toward your husband? How can you show him that you appreciate his hard work? Don't just think it, do it!

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Alexis 2010

Taking a Second Trip Through..."The Buffet"

Faithful readers, in the spirit of following my own advice, I am stepping back this week and offering you this devotional from March of last year. I pray the second trip through the buffet will minister to you!*

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…[she] will not dwell unduly on the days of [her] life, because God keeps [her] busy with the joy of [her] heart. Ecclesiastes 5:20

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Sometimes we all suffer from what is commonly referred to as “too much on our plate.” Church functions, support group meetings, dance, sports, co ops, parties, music lessons, field trips, meetings, organizations, and ministries are just waiting to fill our time and minds. It's important for us to remember that each outside activity we take on pulls us from our first calling as wives and mothers. After our relationship with the Lord and our husbands we are called to be keepers at home. Is this possible while we are running to appointments, meetings, or recreational events?
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Before you think I'm telling you to chain yourself to the kitchen stove and never leave your home or go on outings with the kids, let me make a confession: I'm a people person. I love to go to meetings; they're fun for me; I love parties, especially if there's a restaurant involved! However, I must use discretion and moderation when choosing these activities. Even more so, I need to ask my husband for his counsel before committing to activities outside the home.
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As wives and mothers we set the tone of the home. Be it peaceful or chaotic, the atmosphere is directly tied to us. If we are rushed, stirred up, over committed, and heavy laden we bring a sense of unsettledness, even anxiety to our homes. Proverbs tells us that a foolish woman tears down her house with her own hands. I believe that sometimes this is done with a day planner and the best of intentions.
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It is okay to say “no” to requests for your time and energy outside of your home. This season of your life is already filled with something that has eternal value. If it builds up your home and your husband gives his blessing, then go ahead and say “yes”. Be sure, however, to listen with an open heart to his counsel and be gracious when he says “no” to something you are convinced is the best opportunity ever to come your way. The Lord will reward you greatly for planting yourself in your home and ministering to your family.

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Prayer:

Father, thank you that you have given me a family to care for and to love. Please help me to bring all things before you in prayer before jumping in to a commitment. Remind me to trust Your wisdom in my husband and to follow his leadership cheerfully in this area. Help me to guard my heart against resentment and boredom during this time in my life.

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Challenge:

Make it a point this week to calculate how much time you spend outside of your home, keeping track of the atmosphere in your home and your own heart attitudes. Ask your husband to evaluate your schedule and commitments, pray about them, and then talk with you about what needs to change. Commit to following his leadership cheerfully, being thankful that you have his covering over you. When you are on the receiving end of a busy mom's “no”, please remember to be gracious and realize just how difficult that "no" might be for her.

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Jen 2006

Hand Over the Horn

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:6-8
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My husband and I have a friend who is, in his words, an instrument repairman. In actuality he is a very well known and respected brass instrument designer and restoration specialist. Let’s just say that some of the horns Chuck works on cost more than both of our vehicles. Combined. While visiting with him this week, he was telling me about some of the professional musicians who bring their horns to him for repair. He reaches for the horn, they pull it back. He reaches again, and they pull it back. They want to tell him what is wrong with the horn, hoping he can make suggestions and they will not have to actually surrender their instrument. Finally, he tells them to, “Hand over the horn.” He reminds them that he will forget more about that horn than they will ever even know about it and the only way for it to be repaired is for them to give it to him. After they relinquish their instrument he then deals with their pacing and giving advice while they look over his shoulder as he works.
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Sometimes, I am like those worried instrumentalists. I have a problem that I am holding close and watching over. I want everything fixed, and yet I am afraid to hand it to the One who can restore and make all things new. When I do finally ‘let go and let God’ I insist on putting in my two cents on how He should handle things.

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This refusal to give my problem to the Lord is really a lack of trust. Insisting on helping Him when I do finally ‘kinda’ hand it over shows an abundance of pride and impatience; pride in my own abilities and solutions and impatience that things are not working fast enough to suit me.

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The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Ecclesiastes 7:8

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I would do well to take Chuck the brass man’s advice to his clients: Hand over the horn, sit down in that chair and keep quiet. When I do those things I can then watch the Master Craftsman and Restorer do His perfect work. And what a beautiful thing it is to behold!

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The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him. Psalm 28:7

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Prayer:
Father God, Creator of all and Fixer of broken things, thank You for showing abundant patience with me. Please help me to hand over my horns to You. Amen.

Challenge:
What are you holding onto? Is it a child in rebellion, a devastating illness, an unpaid bill, a broken down car, a fractured friendship? Whatever it is, I encourage you to lay it down firmly at the feet of the Lord. Then sit down and let Him work; only saying and doing what He instructs you to do.
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Jen 2010

Back to Back

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
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Have you ever been in a spiritual battle? A battle that made you feel beaten down and tired, your mind speaking lies over and over, convincing you that you were unable to accomplish what you were once so sure the Lord called you to do? I was there last week. The homeschooling adventure was feeling more like a bad dream and I was giving in to the feelings of failure and exhaustion. As a homeschool mom that was bad enough. As the leader of a homeschool group it seemed even worse! Add ‘faker’ to the lies the enemy was whispering and you can get a taste of what I was dealing with.
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I have been told that in ancient times, when swords were still used in battle, men would fight in pairs. They would stand back to back while fighting the enemy, thereby guarding their partner’s back. I am happy to say that I have some soldiers that watch my back in battle. These women heard my cries, literally, and jumped to my defense. They spoke the Truth to me and over me, reminding me of the goodness and faithfulness of God. In a moment of utter despair they gave hope and love.
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Do you watch the backs of your friends who are in the trenches of mommyhood, homeschooling, ministry, marriage, widowhood, or career? If not, I encourage you to do so. On the other hand, maybe you have closed your heart off due to past hurts and disappointments. If so, that is another great reason to find a battle partner. Pulling into oneself to avoid hurt only creates a battlefield advantage for the enemy. Being a safe and trustworthy friend is a good thing, just like sharing your struggles with a safe, trustworthy friend is a good thing. There is safety in the multitude of counselors. Proverbs 11: 14 Stick close and watch each other’s backs.
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Prayer:
Father, thank you for my friends who are willing to speak words that are like apples of gold in settings of silver. Help me to also be a friend who recognizes when my friends are being attacked by the enemy. Help to use my sword, Your Word, to defend them against Satan. Amen.
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Challenge:
Find someone to be your partner in the area of accountability. Be sure to give them the same protection and help that you yourself need. Set up a regular time when you can both share prayer needs, ask advice, and keep each other focused on the Lord.
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Jen 2010