Subtle Like a Freight Train

When my husband and I first wed, I was all about being ‘married’.  That ring and the certificate said it was a-okay for me to prance around and seduce him.  And I did!  Or, at least, I tried to seduce him.  One year into our bliss I glided out in a silky, white, floor length nightgown and my darling said, “Babe.  You are subtle like a freight train.”

(It really should not have mattered that I was nine months pregnant with our first child and looked like a giant, hardboiled egg had been strapped to my midsection.)

I learned something that day, however. I learned that my husband prefers the not so in-your-face efforts to be attractive.  In order to be most desirable to him, I needed to rework my plan of action.  I was like a freight train, and he was looking for a dog whistle: silent, but fully communicative.  I have learned over the past 19 years of marriage that ironing my husband’s work clothes or making fish (gag!) for dinner will make him all warm and fuzzy.  So will clean sheets, a full bottle of Head and Shoulders, and a mess-free purse. 

 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another… Romans 12:10

I wanted flowers and romantic whispers and my darling was swapping a load or changing a diaper in the middle of the night.  I was chasing him around the house trying to be all Julia Roberts*, and he was longing for a new bar of soap to be waiting for his morning shower.  My complaints of his ‘lack’ of affection were really a slap in the face of his heartfelt efforts to show his love.

My point in this devotional, which is admittedly straying from my usual choices of topic, is this: Minister to your husband in the way he needs you to – not the way you always want to.  You might be a freight train and he is looking for a dog whistle.  Or…maybe you are a whistle and he is looking for a train.  Watch your husband to see how he shows that he loves you.  Watch the clues and follow them.  Both of you will be blessed.  Trust me, I know.  I am married to a dog whistle turned freight train…. ;-)

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11, 12

Prayer:

Father, please help me to know how to really show love to my husband in the way that he needs.  Open my eyes to see the ways he has been expressing love that maybe I have disregarded because it did not meet my idea of love.  Amen.

Challenge:

Play Nancy Drew this week and follow the clues to find your hubby’s love language.  Quietly begin to introduce things that you think might meet his needs in this area.  Consider taking the love languages assessment together at:  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/.  Consider the Love Dare as well: http://thelovedarebook.com/. 

*When my husband worked in the corporate world, the men in his office took one of those silly “find your celebrity mate’ quizzes.  Angelina Jolie, Pamela Anderson, and Jennifer Aniston were some of the ones his coworkers matched up with.  My darling’s perfect celebrity match?  Martha Stewart.  No lie.

Jen G 2012